--- src/read.c.orig	Sat Jul 22 18:04:06 2000
+++ src/read.c	Thu Jan 25 18:46:03 2001
@@ -62,6 +62,24 @@
 	    return(1);
 #ifdef TOURIST
 	} else if (scroll->otyp == T_SHIRT) {
+	    static const char *shirt_msgs[] = {
+    "I explored the Dungeons of Doom and all I got was this lousy T-shirt!",
+    "Is that Mjollnir in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?",
+    "It's not the size of your sword, it's how #enhance'd you are with it.",
+    "Madame Elvira's House O' Succubi Lifetime Customer",
+    "Madame Elvira's House O' Succubi Employee of the Month",
+    "Ludios Vault Guards Do It In Small, Dark Rooms",
+    "Yendor Military Soldiers Do It In Large Groups",
+    "I survived Yendor Military Boot Camp",
+    "Ludios Accounting School Intra-Mural Lacrosse Team",
+    "Oracle(TM) Fountains 10th Annual Wet T-Shirt Contest",
+    "Hey, black dragon!  Disintegrate THIS!",
+    "I'm With Stupid -->",
+    "Don't blame me, I voted for Izchak!",
+    "Don't Panic",	// HHGTTG
+    "Furinkan High School Athletic Dept.",	// Ranma 1/2
+    "Hel-LOOO, Nurse!",		// Animaniacs"
+	    };
 	    char buf[BUFSZ];
 	    int erosion;
 
@@ -72,13 +90,7 @@
 	    u.uconduct.literate++;
 	    if(flags.verbose)
 		pline("It reads:");
-	    Sprintf(buf,  "I explored the Dungeons of Doom, %s.",
-		    Hallucination ?
-			(scroll == uarmu ?
-			    /* (force these two to have identical length) */
-			    "and never did any laundry..." :
-			    "and couldn't find my way out") :
-			"but all I got was this lousy T-shirt");
+	    strcpy(buf, shirt_msgs[scroll->o_id % SIZE(shirt_msgs)]);
 	    erosion = greatest_erosion(scroll);
 	    if (erosion)
 		wipeout_text(buf,